Showing posts with label Female. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Female. Show all posts

A.W. - Ballard, Shoreline 2002-06

Your Name

A.W.

Gender

Female

Which describes your role at Mars Hill?

Regular Attender, Member

What Mars Hill location(s) did you attend?

Ballard, Shoreline

What years were you involved / attending?

2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006

How did you first hear about Mars Hill?

I actually found MH on Yelp.  I was looking for a church in the Seattle area and discovered it online.  

What was the circumstance of your first time attending Mars HIll?

I attended alone as a new/non-Christian.  I had decided it was time to make some changes in my life, and I had a hard time believing that we are just inconsequential beings with no purpose and no destiny.  I had a lot of questions about who I was.  I remember being in the small Ballard church and really taking in the sermons and the revelations about Jesus.  

What were your first impressions?

I immediately knew I had heard the truth when the gospel had been preached at MH.  I became a regular attendee and looked forward to Sunday when I could hear Mark preach.  Overall, the smaller building was welcoming and friendly at first.  I had initially requested to speak with a pastor.  I was naive and thought it would be great to sit down with a pastor and talk about how the gospel had changed me and how I felt about it.  I guess I was hoping to be welcomed into the church, but what resulted was a meeting with a pastor where I walked away feeling awkward.  I think the pastor was typically only meeting with people with huge life issues or something, and I wasn't there to discuss that.  So, I think I was expecting one thing and he was expecting something else.  It ended up leaving me feeling a little disappointed and uncomfortable.

Why was Mars Hill your church home?

I loved Mark's preaching style and the church in general immediately appealed to me.  I was excited at the number of congregants from all age groups and backgrounds and I wanted to be a part of that community and to grow in Christ.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a positive impact on you?

Mars Hill was the first place I heard the gospel preached.  I learned about Jesus, and why I desperately needed him.  I felt I had finally discovered the truth and wanted to live by it.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a negative impact on you?

Well, this is a long story so please bear with me.  I met my husband on a Yahoo dating site.  He was a non-Christian and I had just started attending Mars Hill.  I encouraged him to come with me to church, and we both began attending regularly, before and after we got married.  

I was a very lonely person.  I had little family to speak of and my mother and I had a very abusive relationship.  I had been emotionally and physically abused my entire life at the hands of my mother.  My father was never in my life.  I really wanted a family, a husband, and children, and I wanted security.  I didn't have it in my life and I desperately wanted it.  So, I can honestly say I wasn't very discerning about relationships with men in general.  When I met my soon-to-be husband, there were immediately HUGE red flags, but I pretended they didn't exist so I could get what I thought I wanted.  I am extremely sorry for that decision.  

My husband was an alcoholic.  I didn't realize the extent of it until after we were married and we started living together.  He was so drunk by 6 PM that he would oftentimes not even know where he was.  He would urinate on the floor and verbally abuse me.  Then he started physically abusing me.  Again, I was naive and very unwise in the way I conducted myself.  I tried to argue with him when he was drunk, and would raise my voice at him.  That instigated him physically assaulting me.  I'm not saying it's my fault, but I definitely made my fair share of mistakes too.  

As time went on, things escalated.  I was hit, punched, kicked, slapped, had my hair pulled, and physically tackled (like a football player) to the floor or against the wall.  One evening, "THE" evening that changed everything, we had an argument over a project we were working on.  He was drunk and I poked him on the nose saying "You need to treat me with more respect!".  At that point, he followed me into the kitchen and tackled me up against the kitchen cabinets.  He began choking me by placing his elbow into my throat (where I had recently had surgery to remove my thyroid) and pressing so that I could not breathe. I panicked and managed to fight him off of me.  Afraid he would attack me again, I picked up a knife on the counter and told him to stay away while I called the police.  When the police arrived I was arrested because I had ripped his shirt while fighting him off.  I actually couldn't believe it.  I remember sitting in jail thinking that the pastors of MH would help me.  If I could just get ahold of someone to help me.  I filed for a restraining order and he was removed from our home.  While the police were outside, he was allowed to retrieve personal items from the home.  What he did instead was take my glasses, my wedding ring, my make up, pour 2 liter bottles of soda on my clothes and on the bed, steal my hard drive, destroy my jewelry, turned off the water at the main, and set up a small space heater in the garage, surrounded by flammable materials.  I believe he was trying to burn the house down.

After that, he began contacting basically everyone we knew in common.  People from the church, my family, his family, our friends.  He called my mom and told her I was a lesbian and screamed at her "This is WAR!".  He told the church members that I had cheated on him and God only knows what else.  It was the hardest part of this separation, the lies, the deception, the revenge.  I reached out to MH pastors when I decided to file for divorce.  My husband was not showing any signs of repentance, mainly by being dishonest about what happened, about his drinking problem, lying to people about me, having my cell phone disconnected, cleaning out our bank account, falsifying documents to steal money from a trust we had set up, lying in court, oh... and trying to kill me.  That was a big one.

The pastors immediately began pushing me to reconcile with him.  But there was no way that was going to happen.  I knew I had to get away.  I was pressured daily with phone calls and emails.  I was asked to get a physical examination and have the results sent to the church, which I was not going to do.  I was put on church discipline, and shunned.

People in the church who I thought were my friends never called.  Either they believed my husband's lies or they believed I should reconcile and that I was sinning by not doing so.  Nobody called to see how I was.  Nobody stopped by.  It seemed nobody cared.  I was really devastated by that.  How could I fight this?  How could I disprove all the lies without turning into a he-said she-said scenario.  I tried contacting several friends who my husband had previously contacted.  They wouldn't talk to me and they would not hear my side of things.  So I remained silent for years about what really happened.

So, Today, almost 10 years later, I'm here to say that I survived.  Those people and pastors at MH hurt me badly.  I spent years in a deep depression and contemplated suicide until the Lord helped me to forgive everyone.  I forgave my husband, the church, it's members, and the pastors.  Forgiving is really what saved me.  Jesus saved me through His truth and light.  While what Mark did to some pastors at MH was not right, we are all guilty of hurting others, and what we must do is forgive, even if you feel he does not deserve it.  And we must trust God.  "Vengeance is mine" says the Lord God.  So let the Lord have his vengeance and trust that He will work things out with His justice.  

I have many emails or correspondence with MH pastors, the elders, etc., that I have saved and would be happy to share those with anybody interested, including the contract stating that I was to get a physical examination and allow my doctor to share it with the church.  I am not interested in naming names or pointing fingers, but my story is the truth.  I was wronged and mistreated. And maybe now it's time for me to share my story.

What would you like to have changed about Mars Hill?

I think that what was missing at MH was genuine love for each other.  I think people today have forgotten how to really love one another.  People don’t know how to be a friend, how to be a parent, how to be a relative, how to be a good neighbor, and to REALLY love someone.  

Loving someone means that you can disapprove of their sin but still love their soul.  Loving someone means that you put on Jesus’ glasses and attempt to view humanity the way that HE sees humanity.  People are broken, and what mends them together is the love of Christ that should radiate through His people.  For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten son.  Without love, Christ would never have been crucified and salvation would be lost.

But honestly, MH failed at loving.  I’m not great at it either.  I have been hurt in a way that makes it very difficult to get close to anyone because I fear hurt and disappointment. But we ought to remember that because Jesus LOVED us that He brought grace and hope and reconciliation to us.

In John 13:35 Jesus said,
“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

In 1 John 4:17 it states, “7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

Which describes you?

I left Mars Hill prior to closure.

Please describe why you left Mars Hill and what that experience was like.

I was basically shut out, shunned, and shut down.  I had to leave because I was not willing to be treated that way.

How would you describe the reason for Mars Hill's closure to an outsider.

I think it was sad, but it was something that had to happen.  Certain sins had to be brought to light, and I think Mark is a smart man but he has some serious character flaws that need to be worked out.  I feel that he should not be in ministry at this time, I don't think real change and repentance of sin comes from brute force and authoritarianism but through love and relationship.  I don't think he's quite figured that out yet.  Love is what changes and restores, not pressure, vilification and shunning.  When Christ died for our sins he said "It is finished!", not "We'll have to wait and see what the pastors of MH think".  

What MH did to me, and many others, was wrong, and my heart aches for anyone else who went through that kind of treatment at MH.

What's changed for you since your time at Mars Hill came to an end?

I have grown to mature in Christ.  I'm such a different person now.  I think that what happened to me, Jesus took and turned it into good.  I have become more gentle, loving, kind, slow to anger, slow to speak, more contemplative, and forgiving.   That in itself is a miracle.  A pastor at MH told me that if I didn't reconcile with my husband, I would become "a Bitter, angry woman".  But I'm not.  Praise God.   I still love Jesus dearly, that will never change.  I am sorry that the family of MH was destroyed.  But look how easy pride and anger and hostility can ruin a beautiful thing.  I encourage everyone to LOVE each other.  It's not easy to do at times, but everyone is a sinner, everyone falls short, and LOVE is the restorer.  

Please write anything else you'd like to add.


Thank you for sharing my story.

Lauren - Ballard, Downtown Seattle, Shoreline 2008-14

Your Name

Lauren

Gender

Female

Which describes your role at Mars Hill?

Regular Attender

What Mars Hill location(s) did you attend?

Ballard, Downtown Seattle, Shoreline

What years were you involved / attending?

2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014

How did you first hear about Mars Hill?

I actually first heard of Mars Hill when the local paper did an article about it and the Driscoll family. It was 1998 and I was in 7th grade. I didn't start attending until I was in college though and didn't become a member until I was married in 2010.

What was the circumstance of your first time attending Mars HIll?

I was a high school junior and the churches served as a concert venue. My first sermon was as a high school senior and I went with my older brother. He and his wife were members.

What were your first impressions?

I thought it was great. It was hip, engaging, compelling, and unapologetic. A far cry from the PCUSA church I grew up in.

Why was Mars Hill your church home?

Because it didn't shy away from proclaiming biblical truths. In a city so anti-Christianity it was refreshing to feel empowered by my faith instead of constantly beaten down and criticized for it. MH's focus on community was unlike anything I had ever seen. The intentionality behind it was incredible. Growing up as a Christian in the PNW was not easy, finding a place like MH was a game changer.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a positive impact on you?

Honestly, most of it. I have made some incredible lasting relationships with people. I have learned what intentional community looks like. I have learned to be bold, and courageous. I have learned good biblical theology which has left me so much more equipped to share the gospel with others.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a negative impact on you?

Mars Hill burst the bubble of naivety i would have liked to keep. I have already learned that Jesus is bigger than the church. I have already experienced the disappointment of failed leadership so in that regard nothing that went down at MH was new to me. It didn't rock my faith or belief in the church. I was already passed that stage in my walk. It did however force me to be more discerning when it comes to who I follow and who I listen to. I can't give a pastor the benefit of the doubt any longer. That sucks. It sucks that people are sinners and it sucks that no one (or profession) is safe from that. Mars Hill left me with scars when it comes to trusting those in biblical leadership over me. I hate that.

What would you like to have changed about Mars Hill?

That there had been more transparency. It wasn't like all the members of MH were brain dead lemmings. I honestly had no idea that so much of this crap was going on. If I had (if many of us had) this history of bullying and abuse would never have gone on so long. Transparency leads
To accountability. Which MH clearly didn't have.

Which describes you?

I left Mars Hill prior to closure.

Please describe why you left Mars Hill and what that experience was like.

It was awful. I felt stranded and disconnected in a way I hadn't felt since we joined MH. Looking for a new church was one of the hardest years of my adult life. It all felt so unnecessary. Like this all could have been avoided.

How would you describe the reason for Mars Hill's closure to an outsider.

That it was a lot less juicy and exciting than it looked from the outside. The pastoral calling is a high one, it leaves a lot of room to fall. Mark Driscoll fell and he fell hard. Mars Hill was a church whose leader failed. He failed to lead, he failed to love, he failed to repent. That's what happened. Any further detail is gossip to an outsider because the details don't matter. There are a myriad of sins that could have disqualified MD from being a pastor. The specific ones he committed were immaterial to the outcome.

What's changed for you since your time at Mars Hill came to an end?

Not much. We found a new church, had another baby, we moved on with our life. We still love Jesus and we are still in Christian community. My faith and life were and are much bigger than Mark Driscoll and Mars Hill. This wasn't the first ministry I watched fail due to corruption and it may not be the last. We move on and stop dwelling on the sins of someone else. We remember and cling to the truth that Jesus is bigger than all this which is why we put our trust in him and not man.

Please write anything else you'd like to add.

I still pray that the heart of Mark Driscoll be softened. We are all called to repentance and it sucks to watch a brother in the faith sit in stubbornness. I will not hold my breath but reconciliation would be wonderful.

Sonja - Ballard 1996-2011


Your Name

Sonja

Gender

Female

Which describes your role at Mars Hill?

Member, Group Leader (any leadership role)

What Mars Hill location(s) did you attend?

Ballard

What years were you involved / attending?

1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011

How did you first hear about Mars Hill?

Really don't remember.  I'm a 5 point Calvinist and I think, just maybe, MHC was already in TGC.

What was the circumstance of your first time attending Mars HIll?

Left a previous church -- a Calvary Chapel and not my soteriology.

What were your first impressions?

Loved it.  Was embraced and welcomed.

Why was Mars Hill your church home?

I honestly didn't care for the teaching.  It wasn't expository as advertised, but really connected with the other attendees.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a positive impact on you?

My gifts were valued and used.  I was challenged out of my comfort zone and by grace I grew in faith.  Not only was I impacted positively, I believe I had the opportunity to impact others positively.  Not through community groups but by deacons on staff.  They all left long before I did.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a negative impact on you?

Mark's building his own tower of Babel.  

What would you like to have changed about Mars Hill?

Having a teaching pastor that was not syncretic.  Driscoll never seemed to get beyond his RCC upbringing.  Not only that -- he wanted an empire and to be a dictator.

Which describes you?

I left Mars Hill prior to closure.

Please describe why you left Mars Hill and what that experience was like.

Mark Driscoll once said he never wanted anyone at MCH to defend him.  That changed, or he simply stopped lying.  He wanted himself defended.  It was never "all about Jesus" -- that was a fraud, it always was about Mark.  He has a very low view of God and His holy standard.

Good friends defend him to this day -- not only defend him, but have elevated a fallen man to their own little god.  It was encouraged when I left.     

How would you describe the reason for Mars Hill's closure to an outsider.

NI don't believe it was closed to outsiders since it was all about numbers. Things changed a lot whereby back in the day, people were interviewed as to their salvation (that's vague, sorry).  Then no one cared if a new professing Christian had a clue who He is and what He did.  That I know as a fact, having "interviewed" people who wanted to be baptised.  If they breathed, they were ready to "confess" Christ.  Not a clue.

What's changed for you since your time at Mars Hill came to an end?

Great question!  I was brought to a deep repentance along with shame over having been so deceived.  God is SO good!  Matt. 24:24 came alive for me:

"For false christs and false prophets will arise and perform great signs and wonders, so as to lead astray, if possible, even the elect."

IF POSSIBLE ... even the elect.  It's not possible.  He brought me out of Babylon and away from people I trusted who wanted to bring destruction to me.  I pray for them.  If I heard one more person say "Mark has saved so many".  Oh please.

Please write anything else you'd like to add.

Good questions.  I'm over it.  I grew a lot, not because of Driscoll but in spite of him and grateful for that.  The wonderful people who were on staff at Ballard truly love Jesus and HIs Word.  I grew because of them.  When they left, I stopped growing and was offended by Driscoll's blaspheming His Word and elevating himself.  

I ignored this for 2 years, but Phil brought me out.

http://www.gty.org/Resources/Articles/A362

Thanks for the opportunity to give voice.  Driscoll is a dangerous man.  He bends like a reed in the wind, wanting to apologize to Osteen (who hasn't a clue who he is) but disdains those who destroyed.  He's reinventing himself and so few listen in this new arena.  Nor do they want to listen.  They believe he's God's anointed and so do people from MH.  :(

Alyssa - Albuquerque 2010-14

Your Name

Alyssa

Gender

Female

Which describes your role at Mars Hill?

Group Leader (any leadership role)

What Mars Hill location(s) did you attend?

Albuquerque

What years were you involved / attending?

2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014

How did you first hear about Mars Hill?

I had heard from a friend that there was a church in Seattle planting a campus in Albuquerque that was Calvinist and anti-women. I searched the Mars Hill website myself and looked through all the documents I could find and didn't really see anything that concerned me, but I was very anti-church at the time so I decided to take the, "I don't like that church," stance.

What was the circumstance of your first time attending Mars HIll?

It was really Brannon Garrett, who was a close friend and volunteer at City on a Hill/Mars Hill at the time, encouraging me to get back into church after mine completely feel apart that caused me to end up at Mars Hill. I had been out of church for several months and had been occasionally visiting City on a Hill in Albuquerque, which later became Mars Hill Albuquerque.

What were your first impressions?

When it was announced that this transition would take place, Mark Driscoll came to speak on his vision for ministry. I came in very skeptical but loved what he had to say. After recently going through a painful church split and feeling lost spiritually and doctrinally, it was so refreshing to hear someone speak with unwavering confidence in his beliefs and address cultural issues the way he did.

Why was Mars Hill your church home?

Mars Hill was my church home because the people were family. The preaching, doctrine and music were all awesome, but it was the community that made it a home.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a positive impact on you?

Mark's preaching gave me a better understanding of the gospel and introduced me to reformed theology, which I love and believe to be true. I grew in knowledge of the bible, love for God, love for God's people. The emphasis on community was incredibly beneficial in a time where I had so much brokenness and loss. This community has continually saved my life over and over again.

I grew in many practical ways, too. I learned a lot of business and administrative skills during my time as an intern as well as an incredible amount about music, biblical counseling, leadership, and just general adult-ing. I just wouldn't be who I am now if it weren't for Mars Hill. The positive impacts are endless.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a negative impact on you?

Looking back, I can see how in many ways I lost a lot of myself. As a woman, less was expected of me than my male peers, and I often looked to them for validation or permission and was constantly second-guessing everything I did. I've always been a strong and opinionated person, but I felt silenced and pushed to the sidelines because I was a single woman and needed to make room for the men to take charge. While I did grow in humility, I have good leadership and communication skills, and those things were not valued because I was a woman and unmarried.

The dating culture and pressure to get married was very destructive to my heart and self-worth. I spent a lot of time waiting on a man to take interest in me so I could stop feeling like a second-class citizen. I feel like I wasted my singleness waiting when I could've been living.

What would you like to have changed about Mars Hill?

I think the one of the big problems at least with Mars Hill was that a great deal of pride seeped into everyone's hearts. There were a lot of kids who did not feel welcome or understood by other church bodies, and Mars Hill gave them a place where they were finally given dignity and an opportunity to grow with other Christians that were like them. Unfortunately, that sense of self-worth turned into self-worship, and we became very closed off to other ideas and other groups of people. We became very closely-knit and dedicated to each other, which was a good thing, but we also made it very hard for outsiders to feel included. Everyone was welcome, but if you weren't part of "our thing" you fell to wayside.  I also feel the leadership was too loose about who was given authority. For example, my now fiancĂ© had only been a Christian for a couple months and they almost immediately put him in leadership. That kind of thing only further contributed to everyone's pride, and ultimately the pressure of being put in charge too soon crippled a lot of people and hurt the volunteers who were under them. Leadership was also way too involved in everyone lives, which was what created the cult-like culture that we were often criticized of having. Accountability is a good thing, but seriously, why did everyone have to talk to a pastor or community group leader first before they went on a date? There was so much pressure to get married and have 5 kids and start a church plant as soon as possible. Mark seemed to think that the calling on his life was the ideal and that everybody should be like him. He never said that, but it's what happened.  Ultimately, I saw a trend of positive growth and continual repentance through the church. There were problems, but many of those issues were being addressed and dealt with. Members, leaders, local pastors - every one was under some kind of authority and submitted to the processes of repentance and forgiveness. I stayed through that terrible year of the media hounding and other churches hating us because I could see that good changes would come because of it and that it was very clearly the Lord disciplining his kids. Every one was willing to be disciplined except Pastor Mark. When it came time to address the sin in his life and take some time to search his heart and go under the authority of other pastors, he was unwilling. If I could change anything, it would be that. I believe Jesus took down Mars Hill, but I also believe it didn't have to be that way.

Which describes you?

I stayed at Mars Hill through closure.

Please describe why you stayed at Mars Hill and what that experience was like.

I stayed because I love my local leadership, and I know they want to see people meet Jesus and serve our city. I'm on board with that. I didn't think it was right to jump ship just because things got hard, and I wanted to be available to help out during the transition into North Church. It's been exciting to be part of something new and see how God has redeemed our church and been faithful to love Albuquerque.

How would you describe the reason for Mars Hill's closure to an outsider.

"It's complicated."

What's changed for you since your time at Mars Hill came to an end?

Well, I feel free to question things now. There were a lot of ideas that I'm still wrestling with and wondering if they were good or not, and I still haven't quite landed on a lot of things, particularly biblical manhood and womanhood and how large of a scope leadership should have over people's lives. I don't know. I feel a little lost, but I trust in God's sovereignty and know that I have a good foundation of belief. I'm trying not to get too bogged down in the details.

Please write anything else you'd like to add.

I love Pastor Mark. I love his preaching. I believe he has a very important calling on his life. I am thankful for his sacrifices and everything he and his family endured to start Mars Hill. I know Jesus was loving us when he allowed Mars Hill to fall apart. I'm excited for what's ahead. I'm bummed that Mark bailed and started another church after all the time his congregation spent giving him grace and the benefit of the doubt, and I'm bummed that he didn't do his disciplinary plan, because I think he needs it. I don't know. I hope more people meet Jesus at Trinity Church in AZ and across the world. Everything will be alright.

Member - Ballard, Shoreline 1997, 2001-08

Gender

Female

Which describes your role at Mars Hill?

Member

What Mars Hill location(s) did you attend?

Ballard, Shoreline

What years were you involved / attending?

1997, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008

How did you first hear about Mars Hill?

I was involved in a homeless ministry in college and some of the other volunteers attended Mars Hill.

What was the circumstance of your first time attending Mars HIll?

I was a college student who attended the evening service sometimes.

What were your first impressions?

I liked that it wasn't religious seeming. I liked the plain talk preaching, and I was learning to read the Bible in a way I could understand.

Why was Mars Hill your church home?

At first it was the proximity to college, plain talk sermons. Later I appreciated studying the Bible with community, the extensive teaching, and the music was amazing.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a positive impact on you?

Learning to read the Bible and explore theology.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a negative impact on you?

It was painful to see the disconnect between what I saw in the scriptures and what I increasingly saw in leadership and the Body. It became more religious and rules/power/shame-based. Regrettably, I became more this way. Additionally, I saw how leadership treated people and began to hate what I saw--arrogant, cut-throat, nasty behavior. The increased boasting and showy pontificating from the pulpit nauseated me. A lot of previously valued concepts (equality of elders, expository preaching, etc) were less valued or tossed completely. Basically the more I learned about God's love, the less I saw it at Mars Hill.

What would you like to have changed about Mars Hill?

Humble and courageous accountability in leadership rather than concentrated power from a man who was feared and excused because of his gifting.

Which describes you?

I left Mars Hill prior to closure.

Please describe why you left Mars Hill and what that experience was like.

We left because of the firing of Bent Meyer and Paul Petry and the events around the changing of the bylaws in 2007. We didn't know either well, but we read what the materials the church itself distributed and were very disturbed by the unbiblical treatment of these two men. We wrote to Mark and received no response--although other elders told us he received our letter and was shaken by it. We were told we burned our bridges-- which was hurtful because we tried to communicate prayerfully with gentleness and respect. When we left, it was obvious that many in our MH community did not know how to interact with us. Close friends/mentors dropped us. We felt like we wear wearing a scarlet letter.  The worst example of this is when I was basically forced to resign my position working for a MH pastor at his private business. He told me it would be "easier" if we didn't work together now that we left MH. He began to suddenly attack my work (after previously consistently praising it to me and others verbally in writing). He bullied and shamed me over the course of a couple weeks in front of my co-workers (most of whom went to MH) by having a co-worker take away my keys, moving my desk out of my office to an entry way, making a co-worker a "new" supervisor, blasting me in a staff mtg, etc. I didn't understand. My spouse and I plead with him to help me understand. When I couldn't tolerate it anymore, I resigned. This caused a lot of harm to us financially. But God was gracious to provide. (This pastor was not a pastor at MH for much longer after this incident, but has never apologized or reached out despite my invitations to do so.) This was one of the most shaming experiences I have ever had and it still affects me. My spouse was saved at MH and Mark used to meet with my spouse as a new believer. Our experience at MH rocked our view of God's love, biblical community, male and female roles and godly marriage. We have received much healing. But in some ways, we are still recovering all these years later.

How would you describe the reason for Mars Hill's closure to an outsider.

Abusive authoritarian leadership led to a series of related more public ethical failures. MH was built on Mark. When he left, the whole thing collapsed.

What's changed for you since your time at Mars Hill came to an end?

Ministers are servants (to "minister" means to serve"). Humble accountable leadership is a must. Concentration of power is not good for fallen/fallible man. We can accomplish the most amazing things ever in ministry and have the most phenomenal giftings, but without love it is all meaningless. The first shall be last. Jesus has tender words for  vulnerable societal outcastes who knew they were sinners and had harsh terrifying words for powerful proud arrogant authoritarian leaders. We were all enamoured by what was flashy, loud, and external.  That has caused deep harm. A lot of rotten fruit has come from MH and its rotten roots, and yet our God redeems beauty from ashes. He uses even our sin to bring about beauty. I have seen this and I believe He will continue this work. I pray for mercy for myself and for all involved at MH. I pray with love for mercy on Mark who seems to be taking the path of Saul.